you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
