Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
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Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
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My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize