Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
