Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
