hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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