accomplished twins. life is a go
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
