So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
