I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
