you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
