So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize