Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
