she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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