stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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