i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
