I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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