We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
ugly people sure do ruin things
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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