Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
