I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
It was confusing and full of hummus
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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