she was so not down for the gang bang
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
