I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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