I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
