Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize
