You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
