tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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