I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
