My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Actions speak louder than pants.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
