i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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