don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
