from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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