How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
