when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
