Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
