Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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