i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
