I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
