well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
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You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
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I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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