i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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