no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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