You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
