shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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