don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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