guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
did i just pee glitter
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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