quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
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