I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
