Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
she told me i tasted like america
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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