Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
