careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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