So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize