At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
