something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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