I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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