the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
