I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
