Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
