Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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