I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize