i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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