he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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