My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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