I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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