Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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