if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
